Love letter to Mohnbukta hytte

Four days were enough for having me charmed when we first met. Remember? From the very start, I knew I had to share with others. Some of these others being my friends. It didn’t make me happy.

You and I are the same in some ways. Clouds can obstruct the sky, everything can quickly become dark, lonely, and disconnected. We hate it but we love it. It is life material. The rougher the better, it seems. It paints little wrinkles on our face, beautiful scars on our soul. Violence is all we know. It is also all we want to escape. But it is all we keep coming back to. I have read that we are born with a unique limitless potential. This is such a relief. Unfortunately, when we are young and when our psyche is put in a cage and tamed throughout the years, we lose contact with it. This is the saddest thing to me. The wisest beings on the planet have for millennia shared a way to reconnect with the development of one’s full potential, by the simple practice of mindfulness.

This is the context in which you and I met. Indeed, I am not willing to let the pain from the past or from today be wasted any longer. I have been getting some of my shit together quite impressively since I met you. And being with you appears to be a powerful practice of living in the present moment. You are older. And even if I have long stopped expecting that for this reason people get wiser, you are. You have been through a decent amount of dark storms and brighter days. You have been walked over by powerful beings, still you are standing, even with a beautiful broken ceiling. I long each day for time to work its erosion on me like it has with you. You look amazing. I keep coming back to you, always thinking there was a life before and there will be a life after. In some way there is. All the space you gave me to just be disclosed the wild in me that was waiting to express itself all this time, out from the unbearable format of Societies. It is addicting. This silent space at times can get so very overwhelming. It can shrink tight around the mind and body when there are no other distractions. So tight that breathing fully is difficult. So quiet that all I hear is noise. Until I can’t be around any longer. Until I run away. I have become good at running away. Just for some time, feeling the cold wind on my skin, driving fast and far enough so that you don’t exist anymore. Until it gets cold. Until it gets lonely. Until I miss you again. And when I am back looking at you standing in front of me once more, I love you more than ever. But nothing is ever too good to be true. Neither can you. Sadly, I never feel fully safe around you. Never can I let my guard down, always keeping an eye over my shoulder, for you never know what is coming around the corner. There is always danger and many ways to get hurt.

We meet again this year. My nervous system needed a rest. Gosh, I have been looking forward. We were shy at first. The first day felt like we didn’t really know each other at all. I went for an evening stroll to the glacier front to get some time to process. Yesterday we stayed inside shelter from the wind. You watched me practice yoga and meditation, wondering why is this something to practice, as all you know is living in the moment, nothing else. I slowly made dinner that smelled and tasted delicious. I cleaned the dishes. I look through the window small only window. I played cards. I took pictures of you. We smiled at each other often. Today, we have spent the whole day outside bathing in the sun. For most parts I was resting against you, my head on your shoulder. Other parts I was nesting in your lap, wrapped in a woollen blanket. We watched the sun going around and never setting. We studied our shadow moving around the clock and the light crafting the mountains in three dimensions. We now know by heart all the pieces of ice and all the rocks. We know the snow, soft bed for the mind. The clouds we saw passing over this morning have now gone far south. With time, the landscape has become friendlier to look at, life friendlier to live. The light has gotten warmer, softer and lower, like my feelings. And you’re here with me, building memories for a lifetime. I know very well that you will go on building memories with others, as precious as the ones born with me. If it wasn’t for the birds, we would be alone. I want to go to everywhere I look, as far as the bluest blue. But I stay here with you. Reminding myself that the bluest of the blues will only get warmer and fade away if I start chasing it. If I sit and watch it, it will stay beautifully blue until my eyes stop working. Time has stopped, finally. We are temporary particles, floating in the very moment, part of a whole connected universe of other particles. Suddenly the smoke drifts in my face and I cough. I turn to you. You are so sexy when you smoke. That’s right, I had some wine. It has been hours and it is late. It has been quiet for too long. We need music. I need music. I stand up. Oie, spinning a little. After finding my steps, I get the speaker and turn the music on. Oh yeah. A glass of wine frozen to my fingers, the top of the world is my dancefloor. Louder! TLC screaming to my they don’t want no scrub, while a guy hanging in the passenger seat of his best friend’s ride would get only love from me right now. Hips are going further left, and further right. Bottom, wrapped in down pants, is going lower and lower. Left middle finger slowly rising straight up in the holy arctic sunset. Don’t ask me why. Without much reasons, I feel unapologetic. I don’t often do. This goes on. I have your attention. Eyes locked on me, you look impressed. Even though you won’t say a word. You have not seen that before. I am your favorite, yet you won’t admit it. You know I would strip, but you also know it’s freaking cold despite the wine. It’s now time to go back inside, where it is steaming. Later, I fall asleep in your arms, at peace, again.

These four days felt like four winter seasons. Free from beliefs, ideas, or concepts; in touch with the limitless life potential. I am already looking forward for the soonest opportunities to make a little bit of space for us, over and over again.
Tomorrow, it will be hard to say goodbye. I will press that throttle real hard. Until we meet again.

Mohnbukta hytte (cabin) is on of the cabins that belong to the hunting and fishing association of the archipelago of Svalbard. Luckily you don’t need to hunt nor to fish in order to be member. You simply need to need to retire from society from time to time.